Vapid chatter floats through air once sweet
Meditation disappears with conversation
Better fit for pigs
Topics worth their weight in dirt
Values washed away with filth
Insight swept beneath a rug
Each syllable a sharp pierce to the ear
Silence permeated with senseless words
Turns sour
Archive 115
Sometimes I feel like I’m standing in the midst of all that was, all that is, and all that will be — all at once.
As though the past is right there, just out of reach: a thin veil behind me.
I remember the people no longer here. Things that have already happened. And I FEEL it all.
Every emotion that accompanied those places. Those people. Those times.
The senses tingle as they recall; like the past being the present is just a whisper away.
The future that hasn’t happened… and yet, at times I can see it as the now. My heart aches as I can picture a world with certain loved ones no longer in it. I feel like I’m watching a cloudy screen: I can already see my children grown. So quick. SO quick.
It’s over there…
And yet, it’s already here.
Another thin veil, this one in front of me.
I can see it.
The weight of it all threatens to immobilize.
Which am I currently in?
”It’s the now,” I try to remind myself.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
I open them.
I pinch my arm.
This is real.
This is your life.
This is now.
…but it will soon be then.
And what is yet to come will be now.
I take a deep breathe and try to center.
To bring myself back to the present.
But at times I feel like I’m clawing at a muddy edge, slipping.
Everything feels hazy. Surreal. Time playing tricks on me as it sits me in the center. Spinning, spinning…
Before, now, then…
Before, then, now
Now, before, then
Now, then, before
Then, before, now
Then, now, before…
When?
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