Vapid chatter floats through air once sweet⁣⁣⁣⁣
Meditation disappears with conversation ⁣⁣⁣⁣
Better fit for pigs ⁣⁣⁣⁣
Topics worth their weight in dirt⁣⁣⁣⁣
Values washed away with filth ⁣⁣⁣⁣
Insight swept beneath a rug⁣⁣⁣⁣
Each syllable a sharp pierce to the ear⁣⁣⁣⁣
Silence permeated with senseless words ⁣⁣⁣⁣
Turns sour ⁣⁣⁣⁣

Archive 115

The Anxiety of Time

Sometimes I feel like I’m standing in the midst of all that was, all that is, and all that will be — all at once.⁣

As though the past is right there, just out of reach: a thin veil behind me. ⁣

I remember the people no longer here. Things that have already happened. ⁣And I FEEL it all.⁣

Every emotion that accompanied those places. Those people. Those times. ⁣
The senses tingle as they recall; like the past being the present is just a whisper away. ⁣

The future that hasn’t happened… and yet, at times I can see it as the now. My heart aches as I can picture a world with certain loved ones no longer in it. I feel like I’m watching a cloudy screen: I can already see my children grown. So quick. SO quick. ⁣

It’s over there…⁣
And yet, it’s already here.⁣
Another thin veil, this one in front of me. ⁣
I can see it.⁣

The weight of it all threatens to immobilize. ⁣

Which am I currently in? ⁣

”It’s the now,” I try to remind myself. ⁣
I squeeze my eyes shut. ⁣
I open them. ⁣
I pinch my arm. ⁣

This is real. ⁣
This is your life. ⁣
This is now.⁣

…but it will soon be then. ⁣
And what is yet to come will be now. ⁣

I take a deep breathe and try to center. ⁣
To bring myself back to the present. ⁣
⁣But at times I feel like I’m clawing at a muddy edge, slipping. ⁣

Everything feels hazy. Surreal. Time playing tricks on me as it sits me in the center. Spinning, spinning… ⁣

Before, now, then… ⁣
Before, then, now⁣
Now, before, then⁣
Now, then, before ⁣
Then, before, now ⁣
Then, now, before…⁣